Marriage and Divorce: What Does the Bible Say?

           Guest Post by my friend and fellow Bible searcher, Jan Craig.              

 

                  Marriage and Divorce: What Does the Bible Say?

“I don’t love you anymore.”  “You’re a fanatical Christian, and I can’t stand living with you anymore.”  “I am in love with someone else, and I want out of this marriage.” 

Do any of those sound familiar? Perhaps you have made one of these statements or you are wondering if it is alright with God to divorce your spouse for some reason.  You may be in a relationship where your spouse is physically and/or emotionally abusive, and you wonder if divorce is an option.  These and many other statements and situations are common questions Christians have today.  God has given us commandments and wise council concerning marriage and divorce. Two issues are especially important to look at.  This post will address one of those, the sanctity of marriage. The second will be addressed in a later post.

Marriage and divorce are some of the most difficult topics to confront in the times we are living in, especially for believers. I have a passion to help Christian couples stay together.  You see, both my husband and I came from divorced homes.  My parents were active in living for Christ. However, they divorced in the 1950’s when Christian divorces were barely even heard of happening. Because my husband and I were Christians when we married and carried the scars of divorce, we promised each other before we married that divorce was not an option for us.  We believed that since we vowed before our Holy God, our family and friends, to honor marriage as He intended it to be, then no matter what, we would stick together through sickness and health, and for richer or poorer until death departs us.  

The Bible is the greatest book ever written, and it is our guide.  Nothing has been changed from its beginning and never will change because God Himself never changes.  His message is for all time and He is Holy.  So, I figure it is the best place to study about marriage and divorce.  1 Corinthians 7 is a great place to begin. I encourage you to take the time to read through that chapter and meditate on what it says.

Paul wishes in verse 1 that all men were like him and not married so they can do the Lord’s work fulltime.  Later on he says the same about women.                              

However, Paul states in the next verse that he realizes that sexual immorality is occurring and each man should have his own wife.  This also applies to the woman.  Let’s stop here and define what God says a woman is and what a man is since today’s culture gives varying definitions. In Genesis 2:18, and 23-24 God makes it clear that they are different. God saw that the man was lonely, so he made a woman for him.  Why a woman and not another man?  Two men were more likely to challenge each other to different activities, like who was the strongest?  That is something all men like to do. But that does not meet the deepest need a man has.  All the animals had mates so they could reproduce their kind.  Adam didn’t have the joy of companionship or being able to help in reproducing other human beings.  The woman met his need for companionship and also for reproducing a human being after his kind.  Like the other species, the female conceives and produces a baby that grows in her womb. That has been God’s plan from the beginning. 

The physical differences of the man and the woman play a very important part in demonstrating the deepest form of love physically that no other relationship can provide. Paul addresses that in verses 3-6.  Here he talks about the intimate relationship between the husband and wife. That couple is now one in God’s eyes.  That means they are to be sensitive to one another’s needs for intimacy. It also means they are to have a sexual relationship only between each other for life.   Dr. Warren Wiersbe, a noted theologian, put it this way, “be in tune with each other at all times.”  In other words, neither should tell the other when sex is going to take place. God made sex to enjoy within the marriage relationship!  It isn’t a sin in the marriage relationship, but outside of marriage it is.  Paul cautions married couples to only abstain from sex when both the husband and wife decide to do so during a short times of prayer and fasting. The reason for that is so neither of them will be tempted by Satan to find gratification somewhere else.

In verses 8 and 9, Paul goes on to say that the unmarried and the widows should stay unmarried as he is.  But he again realizes that all men and women aren’t like him. Those who are burning with passion should go ahead and marry because marriage is better than gratifying that need in other ways that are not pleasing to God.

Paul changes his focus from marriage to divorce in verses 10 and 11. These words are a command from our Sovereign Lord.  He says, “a wife must not divorce her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.” See, in God’s eyes you are still married to each other. Once a couple has consummated their marriage, He means for that marriage to last as long as one of them is still living.           

Verse 12-16 discusses a Christian wife who has an unbelieving husband. If he is willing to stay with her, then she is not to divorce him. This is referring to a wife who became a Christian after they got married. Other scripture instructs that in marriage, the two should not be unequally yoked – meaning a believer should marry another believer. However, if one becomes a Christian after marriage, the spouse just might become a believer because of how the other lives. The part that is hard to understand is in verse 14 where it says the spouse and children will become sanctified as long as they stay together. We know that each person must make their own decision to follow Christ and live for Him.  So, how does the spouse and children become sanctified by being with the believer?  I agree with Dr. Weirsbe’s understanding “that the believer exerts a spiritual influence in the home that can lead to the salvation of the spouse and children.” Obviously, that would be by the work of the Holy Spirit!  But if the unbelieving spouse wants a divorce because he or she doesn’t want to stay with a Christian wife or husband, then so be it. But this is not an excuse for remarriage. Remember, in God’s eyes the first intimate relationship is the only one acceptable to Him except in a few specific cases.

Divorce is a very difficult topic to approach, and I hurt deeply for those who are divorced, no matter what the circumstances. In another post we will look at adultery, and the effects of divorce on the children.  But for now I want to encourage those who have divorced and remarried.  I’m sure you didn’t expect to be divorced. We don’t enter into marriage expecting it to end in divorce. But please know this: God loves you and is there for you. If you feel your divorce was not allowed according to His Word, then know that as God’s child, He will forgive you when you come to him with a repentant heart.

For the unmarried and the one contemplating divorce, realize it will take a toll on you.  One lady told me this about divorce, “Divorce isn’t easy, and it is the worst devastation a person can go through.  A broken marriage is like robbing one of love. Love is what makes life worth living.  Love goes into the deepest part of our souls.  When love is robbed from you, there is a loneliness which is so agonizing that you feel you can’t bear it.”  Another said it is like death.  You go through the steps of grieving, but the spouse is still alive, which makes it hard to completely heal.  A counselor friend of mine said that every marriage goes through a time when you want to divorce.  I say this as a warning to the unmarried and the wife contemplating divorce.  Stick with the marriage if possible, because you can reconnect and have a happy marriage even if it takes 20 years. I know.

As a time of personal reflection, meditate on the following questions:

1.      Why do you think it was so important for my husband and me to promise each other and God that we would not divorce?

2.      Why is it important to know that God is perfect and holy and His commandments and His laws last forever?

3.      What is the difference between a man and a woman?  Why is this important to God?

4.      Why has God’s plan for morality not changed down through the ages?

If you have questions about anything you’ve read here or your personal situation, please consult your pastor or a counselor that is a believer in Christ and believes the Bible is all truth. We will finish looking at Paul’s teaching on marriage in a future post.

Remember that God is perfect and His plan for us is perfect.

  

               

 

               

 

        

                         

 

 

 

                                                                   

Liar, Liar...

"Liar, liar, pants on fire!" - A familiar childhood chant we've all probably sang out to tease our friends. Think for a moment about why people lie. Obviously, to distort the truth, change someone's perception or perspective, or to avoid detection. Those are probably the main reasons for lying. We've all done it at some time(s) and to some extent. Most of us do not lie to cause harm, but unfortunately, not all lies are so innocent.

Ervin W. Lutzer says in 10 Lies About God and the Truths That Shatter Deception , that there are lies about God that permeate our culture.

• God is whatever we want Him to be.
• Many paths lead into God's presence.
• God is more tolerant than He used to be.
• God has never personally suffered.
• God is obligated to save followers of other religions.
• God takes no responsibility for natural disasters.
• God does not know our decisions before we make them.
• God helps those who help themselves.

92 percent of Americans say they believe in God. That make us a "Christian" society, right? Wrong... When pressed, statistics tell a different story. Americans believe in spirituality, but not necessarily the God of our Bible and Jesus Christ. Somewhere along the way, America has bought into lies about the God of the universe, and believers are standing silently by - allowing the Truth to be distorted.

To begin to really understand this dilemma and to begin to counteract it, we must know who the main players are in this drama.

One is God - the God of the universe - We must know our ally, His nature, and how He works:

• The One by whom all that is created was created (Rev. 4:11).
• The One who is all powerful, all knowing, and all present.
• The One who does not change (Malachi 3:6).
• The One who says, "I AM who I AM." ( Exodus 3:14).
• The One who says, "I AM the Way, the Truth, and the Light..." (John 14:6).

To know that One is to know Jesus and the Word. We need to study it and hide its truths in our hearts to foil Satan's attempts to veil our eyes (2 Cor. 4:3).

The other player is Satan himself. We must know our adversary, his nature, and how he works:

• 1 Peter 5:8 - ...your adversary, the devil, is prowling about like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour
• 2 Cor. 4:3-4 - ...Satan is the god of this world...and the one who tries to keep us from seeing Truth
• John 17:15, Eph. 6:16 - Satan is the evil one...
• Eph. 2:2 - Satan is the prince of power of the unseen world...
• John 8:44 - Satan is a murderer, a liar, and the father of lies...
• Rev. 12:9 - Satan is a dragon, the serpent of old, and the deceiver...
• 2 Cor. 11:14 - Satan disguises himself as an angel of light...

How easily deceived we can be when our eyes are not focused on Jesus consistently. Yet, it seems so simple. On one hand we have Truth, on the other hand we have the Father of Lies. But that liar will never come to us looking like the red guy with a tail and pitchfork. He will come dressed in all kinds of disguises trying to trick us, deceive us, and destroy us.

Believers need to choose to no longer stand silently by and let our world believe the enemy's lies about God.

As we begin a new week, I echo those words of Peter to all of you and to myself: "Be sober of spirit, be on alert...our enemy is seeking someone to destroy..."

I also echo the words of David, "But the Lord abides forever; He has established His throne for judgement...The Lord will also be a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble...and those who know Your name will put their trust in You. For You, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You." (Psalm 9:7-10)

The Wee Little Man...

Zaccheus was a wee little man; a wee little man was he...
He climbed up in a sycamore tree for the Lord he wanted to see...
And as the Lord passed that way, He looked up in the tree...
And He said, "Zaccheus, you come down - for I'm going to your house today...

Remember that little ditty from pre-school Sunday School? We teach that song to our children, but do we really know the meaning of that event in Luke 19? Let's examine Jesus' encounter with this tax collector and discover the Truth that's in it for us.

Jesus and his disciples and the multitudes that had been following them were traveling to Jerusalem, where He would eventually be formally accused, tried, and crucified. On their way, they passed through Jericho and were met with a huge crowd. Now we know that these huge crowds that frequently mobbed Him were full of people who had heard about Him and the miracles He had performed. However, the vast majority of these people saw Him as an oddity that they wanted to get a glance at. Most had no idea or belief that He was the Messiah. Others followed and got excited because they thought He was going to set up a new government, thus, overthrowing the Romans. And still a few followed Him because they truly believed.

Zaccheus was a chief tax collector - meaning he was a supervisor, the big cheese among tax men. Tax collectors were not "Citizen of the Year" type men. They had a reputation for extracting more money from the citizens than was really owed. Some used all methods of extortion; they were not liked. The overage lined their personal bank accounts. As for Zaccheus, the scripture notes that he was rich, so he most likely was one of the dishonest tax guys. He probably even took a cut from the those under him since he was in a supervisory role. One other item the scripture tells us about him is that he was "small in stature." I think it is interesting that we are given that detail. How many characters in the Bible, especially the New Testament, do we get a physical description of? When something unusual pops up like that, we'd best take note.

Have you ever heard of the "Little Man" syndrome? In our culture, the "Little Man" syndrome is when a man who is physically small, projects a large personality, perhaps to compensate for his size. That large personality ususally comes across as offensive and arrogant. It's hard to like a "Little Man." I see Zaccheus as a "Little Man."

As the street in Jericho became more congested with people trying to get to Jesus, Zaccheus was unable to break through the crowd. He wasn't large enough to muscle his way through, and people certainly weren't going out of their way to help him. This situation begs the question, why did Zaccheus want to see Jesus so badly? What had he heard that made him so curious? Was there something deep in his heart that was wounded that Jesus might heal? Was he beginning to doubt his wealth and his eternal security? We are not privy to his thoughts, but we do know he desperately wanted to see Jesus. So he runs around and ahead of the crowd and climbs up into a sycamore tree. He made himself a tall perch from which he could watch for and see Jesus. There is no indication that he wanted to talk to Him or touch Him - he just wanted to see Him.

When Jesus came to the tree, He stopped, looked up and spoke directly to Zaccheus, calling him by name. He told him to hurry and come down because He was going to stay at his house! That's a WOW! Scripture says he hurried down and received Him gladly. Zaccheus goes on to say, unprompted, I might add, that he would sell his possessions and give half to the poor and repay those he had defrauded by four times. By-the-way, paying them back four times what he had taken was the harshest penalty under their law, and he chose to do that on his own. Jesus replied that salvation had come to Zaccheus that day.

What Truth can we glean from this familiar story?

Those who seek Jesus - even when they are not sure Who or What He is - will be found by Him. Zaccheus was driven to find Jesus. Driven by something he may not have understood, but still driven to the point of running through the streets and climbing a tree! That's pretty drastic, especially for someone who had wealth and position in the community. It takes a lot for a "Little Man" to lower himself to do something so drastic. But look closely at the passage. Zaccheus positioned himself in the tree, but it was Jesus who stopped and looked up at him. Jesus found him! Jesus invited himself into the man's home. Jesus desired a relationship with Zaccheus, a man who lived his life as a cheat and a crook.

Jesus' eyes pierce our hearts and souls - in a life-changing way. When He looked up and into the face of Zaccheus, Zaccheus was a changed man. He was convicted of his sin to the point of repentance. It's the same thing that happened when He looked into the eyes of Peter, James, and John at the seashore and they immediately left their old way of life and followed Jesus. He knows us by name and sees into our very hearts. He has the power to change us forever - if we will come down from our perch and let Him reside in our hearts (homes). The "Little Man" became a humble, repentant man who became a "son of Abraham," meaning, of course, a child of Faith. That's about as Big as one can get!

Personally, I have no doubt that He invited Himself to my home and I received Him gladly! I hope you have already been found by Jesus and experienced that life-changing look into His eyes. If you are not sure, I pray that you will come down from that tree and take Him into your home (heart). You will be glad you did, and you'll be changed forever.