Marriage and Divorce: What Does the Bible Say?

           Guest Post by my friend and fellow Bible searcher, Jan Craig.              

 

                  Marriage and Divorce: What Does the Bible Say?

“I don’t love you anymore.”  “You’re a fanatical Christian, and I can’t stand living with you anymore.”  “I am in love with someone else, and I want out of this marriage.” 

Do any of those sound familiar? Perhaps you have made one of these statements or you are wondering if it is alright with God to divorce your spouse for some reason.  You may be in a relationship where your spouse is physically and/or emotionally abusive, and you wonder if divorce is an option.  These and many other statements and situations are common questions Christians have today.  God has given us commandments and wise council concerning marriage and divorce. Two issues are especially important to look at.  This post will address one of those, the sanctity of marriage. The second will be addressed in a later post.

Marriage and divorce are some of the most difficult topics to confront in the times we are living in, especially for believers. I have a passion to help Christian couples stay together.  You see, both my husband and I came from divorced homes.  My parents were active in living for Christ. However, they divorced in the 1950’s when Christian divorces were barely even heard of happening. Because my husband and I were Christians when we married and carried the scars of divorce, we promised each other before we married that divorce was not an option for us.  We believed that since we vowed before our Holy God, our family and friends, to honor marriage as He intended it to be, then no matter what, we would stick together through sickness and health, and for richer or poorer until death departs us.  

The Bible is the greatest book ever written, and it is our guide.  Nothing has been changed from its beginning and never will change because God Himself never changes.  His message is for all time and He is Holy.  So, I figure it is the best place to study about marriage and divorce.  1 Corinthians 7 is a great place to begin. I encourage you to take the time to read through that chapter and meditate on what it says.

Paul wishes in verse 1 that all men were like him and not married so they can do the Lord’s work fulltime.  Later on he says the same about women.                              

However, Paul states in the next verse that he realizes that sexual immorality is occurring and each man should have his own wife.  This also applies to the woman.  Let’s stop here and define what God says a woman is and what a man is since today’s culture gives varying definitions. In Genesis 2:18, and 23-24 God makes it clear that they are different. God saw that the man was lonely, so he made a woman for him.  Why a woman and not another man?  Two men were more likely to challenge each other to different activities, like who was the strongest?  That is something all men like to do. But that does not meet the deepest need a man has.  All the animals had mates so they could reproduce their kind.  Adam didn’t have the joy of companionship or being able to help in reproducing other human beings.  The woman met his need for companionship and also for reproducing a human being after his kind.  Like the other species, the female conceives and produces a baby that grows in her womb. That has been God’s plan from the beginning. 

The physical differences of the man and the woman play a very important part in demonstrating the deepest form of love physically that no other relationship can provide. Paul addresses that in verses 3-6.  Here he talks about the intimate relationship between the husband and wife. That couple is now one in God’s eyes.  That means they are to be sensitive to one another’s needs for intimacy. It also means they are to have a sexual relationship only between each other for life.   Dr. Warren Wiersbe, a noted theologian, put it this way, “be in tune with each other at all times.”  In other words, neither should tell the other when sex is going to take place. God made sex to enjoy within the marriage relationship!  It isn’t a sin in the marriage relationship, but outside of marriage it is.  Paul cautions married couples to only abstain from sex when both the husband and wife decide to do so during a short times of prayer and fasting. The reason for that is so neither of them will be tempted by Satan to find gratification somewhere else.

In verses 8 and 9, Paul goes on to say that the unmarried and the widows should stay unmarried as he is.  But he again realizes that all men and women aren’t like him. Those who are burning with passion should go ahead and marry because marriage is better than gratifying that need in other ways that are not pleasing to God.

Paul changes his focus from marriage to divorce in verses 10 and 11. These words are a command from our Sovereign Lord.  He says, “a wife must not divorce her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.” See, in God’s eyes you are still married to each other. Once a couple has consummated their marriage, He means for that marriage to last as long as one of them is still living.           

Verse 12-16 discusses a Christian wife who has an unbelieving husband. If he is willing to stay with her, then she is not to divorce him. This is referring to a wife who became a Christian after they got married. Other scripture instructs that in marriage, the two should not be unequally yoked – meaning a believer should marry another believer. However, if one becomes a Christian after marriage, the spouse just might become a believer because of how the other lives. The part that is hard to understand is in verse 14 where it says the spouse and children will become sanctified as long as they stay together. We know that each person must make their own decision to follow Christ and live for Him.  So, how does the spouse and children become sanctified by being with the believer?  I agree with Dr. Weirsbe’s understanding “that the believer exerts a spiritual influence in the home that can lead to the salvation of the spouse and children.” Obviously, that would be by the work of the Holy Spirit!  But if the unbelieving spouse wants a divorce because he or she doesn’t want to stay with a Christian wife or husband, then so be it. But this is not an excuse for remarriage. Remember, in God’s eyes the first intimate relationship is the only one acceptable to Him except in a few specific cases.

Divorce is a very difficult topic to approach, and I hurt deeply for those who are divorced, no matter what the circumstances. In another post we will look at adultery, and the effects of divorce on the children.  But for now I want to encourage those who have divorced and remarried.  I’m sure you didn’t expect to be divorced. We don’t enter into marriage expecting it to end in divorce. But please know this: God loves you and is there for you. If you feel your divorce was not allowed according to His Word, then know that as God’s child, He will forgive you when you come to him with a repentant heart.

For the unmarried and the one contemplating divorce, realize it will take a toll on you.  One lady told me this about divorce, “Divorce isn’t easy, and it is the worst devastation a person can go through.  A broken marriage is like robbing one of love. Love is what makes life worth living.  Love goes into the deepest part of our souls.  When love is robbed from you, there is a loneliness which is so agonizing that you feel you can’t bear it.”  Another said it is like death.  You go through the steps of grieving, but the spouse is still alive, which makes it hard to completely heal.  A counselor friend of mine said that every marriage goes through a time when you want to divorce.  I say this as a warning to the unmarried and the wife contemplating divorce.  Stick with the marriage if possible, because you can reconnect and have a happy marriage even if it takes 20 years. I know.

As a time of personal reflection, meditate on the following questions:

1.      Why do you think it was so important for my husband and me to promise each other and God that we would not divorce?

2.      Why is it important to know that God is perfect and holy and His commandments and His laws last forever?

3.      What is the difference between a man and a woman?  Why is this important to God?

4.      Why has God’s plan for morality not changed down through the ages?

If you have questions about anything you’ve read here or your personal situation, please consult your pastor or a counselor that is a believer in Christ and believes the Bible is all truth. We will finish looking at Paul’s teaching on marriage in a future post.

Remember that God is perfect and His plan for us is perfect.