My spiritual heart has always been torn between passion and reason. Since my teenage years, I have loved the Lord and wanted to serve Him. The passion-part of me wanted to say to Him, "I'll go wherever and do whatever You want!" The reason-part of me did say, "I'll go wherever and do whatever...within reason." In other words, I have put parameters on what I would do for God. Have you ever done that? If you have, you - like me - will never know what blessings we have missed.
We run into a man in Acts who was asked to do the unthinkable. It wasn't an easy decision, and he wrestled with the Lord over it. But, eventually, he decided to trust Him and be obedient - and it paid off with tremendous blessings. His name is Ananias, and his story is told by the writer of Acts in chapter 9 and then recounted by Paul in chapter 22. Saul (later called Paul) was on his way from Jerusalem to Damascus with a letter from the high priest giving him permission to arrest anyone belonging to "the Way" and bring them back to Jerusalem to be tried. Saul was responsible for ravaging homes belonging to believers and having them imprisoned and even killed. Remember, he was present at the stoning of Stephen and even thought to be the overseer of that event. Saul was an educated Pharisee who violently rebuked the good news of Christ. He was powerful and influential. The believers in Damascus had heard that Saul was coming for them, and, undoubtly, were somewhat frightened even as they were learning to trust and stand tall in their faith. It is really hard for me to wrap my brain around the idea that someone would want me dead because of my belief and faith in Jesus Christ! That's where we, as Americans, are so very blessed...we don't face that kind of opposition to our faith - yet.
While on the road to Damascus, Saul encountered the risen Christ, and it changed his life. He was left blinded by the encounter and given instructions to go on to the city and wait. In the meantime, the Lord appeared to Ananias in a vision. Let's talk about Ananias for a minute. We know from the scriptures that Ananias was a devout Jew who believed Jesus was the Messiah and became a follower of "the Way." His name means "the Lord is gracious." He was a quiet leader of the church at Damascus who had a close walk with Jesus - so much so, that he recognized the Spirit speaking to him through his vision. I must admit that I don't always recognize when the Spirit is speaking to me. When I've been out-of-touch with Him, His voice is sometimes vague. Again, I have to wonder what have I missed because I didn't hear Him???
However, Ananias DID recoginize His voice, but he didn't like what he heard. God asked the unthinkable of him! Actually, He didn't ask; He told. God told him to go to this particular place and ask for Saul of Tarsus, that he would be found praying. Okay, let's look at this. Ananias knew who Saul of Tarsus was - the persecutor of Christians, the one who gave the nod to Stephen's death, the one coming to Damascus to do the same to him and the other believers! Ananias' reaction was swift, "Lord, he is coming here to do us harm, maybe even kill us, and You want me to present myself to him like a present? I can't believe what You are asking me to do!" (My paraphrase)
Wow! How many times in my life have I had the same "silent" conversation with God? I can't give You complete control of my life because You might ask me to do something I just don't think I can do! Or go somewhere I just don't think I can go. Or ask someone for forgiveness that I just don't think I'm ready to forgive. Or share Jesus with someone that just might not want to hear about Him. Or...the list goes on...
The Lord's answer to Ananias' concern was, "Go..." So he did...and he found the blinded Saul who had encountered Jesus but needed someone to share with him how to go about this new life. Saul regained his sight, was baptized, spent several days with the disciples learning more about Jesus, and was empowered by His Spirit to preach His salvation. And the rest, as they say, is history. Paul became a missionary and church planter. God used Paul to take the gospel westward to Asia Minor, Greece, and eventually Rome. Paul authored 13 books of the New Testament. Paul, who once imprisoned believers, was imprisoned several times for being a believer. Paul, who persecuted believers, was perscuted because he believed.
It is easy to focus all the attention on Paul, but let's not forget Ananias. Saul was able to become the Paul we love because Ananias "went" when God told him to "Go." He trusted God and his passion for Christ when his reason told him to stay and play it safe. The experience of Ananias reminds us that we should never be afraid to obey God's will. Joshua 1:9 - "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
How many times has God asked the "unthinkable" of me? I know I have missed many blessings because I have yielded my passion to my reason. I can't retrieve those times, but I can NOT miss them in the future. That's my prayer - to hear like Ananias, to trust like Ananias, and to be used like Ananias. Who knows how many "Paul's" may be in my path?
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