When Things Are Not What They Seem...Esther, Part 1

Most of us have become real pro's at pretending.

• We pretend that everything in our lives is going well - even when we may be on the brink of disaster - physically, emotionally, or financially.
• We pretend that our marriages are "wonderful" when, in reality, we ache on the inside - not remembering the last time a kind word was said. 
• We pretend that our children are great and growing in the Lord, when, in reality, they are dealing with the ills of our society - drugs, alcohol, running with the wrong crowd, divorce.

Remember the old saying, "No one knows what goes on behind closed doors."?

Yes, most of us have become pro's at living behind the facade of "Everything is great!" And for most of us, that is exactly what it is, a facade.

Hadassah, better known as Queen Esther, knew what it was to live a life that looked good on the outside, but was very trying on the inside.

If you haven't read through the book of Esther in a while, I urge you to do so before or while you are reading these ponderings on her life. That book is rich in lessons that can open up recesses of our own lives that we may not realize even exist.

Esther was good at pretending; she had to be; at times, her life depended on it.

A casual look at the life of Hadassah, who became Esther, Queen of Persia, looks like a fairy tale.

• a beautiful young, orphaned Jewess, adopted and raised by her cousin Mordecai
• chosen to be included in the harem from which the king would choose a new queen
• and ultimately chosen by the king to be his queen.

Wow! What a story...what a life! Don't you think?

A closer look behind the closed doors of her life suggest a different story.

Just having both parents die when one was very young would immediately start closing protective doors around most children. Being "adopted" in that cultural was not the same as being "born" into a nuclear family. It is obvious from reading the scriptures that Mordecai loved Hadassah - but he was still a cousin - not her father. No doubt she longed for her mother's touch and her father's sweet embrace. But she put that behind her door.

Chapter 2:7 tells us that Hadassah was very beautiful in form and face. In other words, she was a "looker" with a figure to die for! How many of us have wished for those very gifts? She probably had all the young men swooning over her! That in itself can present a problem...but most of us would love to have to work through that kind of problem! However, for her, beauty brought circumstances beyond her control. She was conscripted into the king's harem from which he would choose a new queen. (2:8) Keep in mind that conscripted means she did not have a choice in the matter; she was virtually a captive.

An outsider looking in might think, "What a deal!" Esther (her Greek name) is going to live at the palace, have spa treatments for six months, and learn queenly etiquette for another six months. She will have ten attendants, the best foods, and the opportunity to rub shoulders with the country's power-brokers! (2:9)

What the outsider doesn't see behind those closed doors are the trials and stresses of being in the king's harem. First, she was there against her will; she did not choose to join this elite club of queen-wanna-be's. Esther was cut off from her friends, family, and her dear cousin Mordecai. He faithfully walked back and forth in front of the court gate everyday just to get a word about how she was fairing. Eventually, she was able to communicate with him, but only through other people. (2:11)

I remember going to a two-week camp in the Hill Country of Texas when I was 12 or 13 years old. At the time, I felt conscripted to attend this camp 300 miles from my home in North Texas. My parents thought "it would be good for me" to participate in such a great opportunity. Even though I was surrounded by other campers and tons of adventuresome activities, I have never felt so alone in all my life! In fact, I have spent weeks and even months in a hospital six hours from home and family more than once and have never felt as lonesome and empty as I did for those two weeks of camp.

I think that was how Esther felt. She was surrounded by all the best life could offer, but she was not feeling the love! Not only did she have to deal with her homesickness, just think about being the MOST beautiful living among other young women who were vying for the opportunity to be queen! Talk about cat-fights and hair-pulling! I'd rather go back to that camp!

Eventually, Esther was chosen by the king to be his queen (2:17) - the fairy tale ending, right? Look again. Esther went for weeks at a time without even seeing the king! (4:11) And when they had banquets and welcomed the heads of all the other provinces, it was a "men only" club. Esther was left to entertain the wives in a different banquet hall. Their paths only crossed when King Xeres wanted Esther for his sexual pleasure. The rest of the time, she was left alone in her chamber with her maids. Talk about feeling used and alone! Not the fairty tale ending most of us think about.

Even though I've painted a pretty dire picture of Esther's circumstances, I want to put her life in perspective. The outsider looking in would probably not see what I've described and, thus, would think she had it made. But Esther, the insider, did see all that and lived the truth of her circumstances. She understood that her life was not what it seemed to others. But she also knew the rest of the truth.

• Esther knew she had a family, especially a father-figure who loved her dearly. So much so that he spent everyday walking in front of the court gate to hear a word about her. I feel confident that they were bonded together through their faith and their prayers.
• And then, there's her faith. Even though God is not directly mentioned in the book of Esther, His presence and guidance oozes off its pages. Yes, Esther was alone if referring to her family and friends. However, Esther was never ALONE. God was with her every step of that journey. As we deleve deeper into her story, I think you will agree with me that she felt His presence and depended on Him to keep her company and to guide her steps.

"No one knows what goes on behind closed doors" is really NOT a true statement. God knows. He knew Esther's loneliness, her desire to be living a "normal" life, and most importantly, He knew her heart.

That's one of many lessons from Esther's life. Fron the outside looking in, she had it all - she was Queen Esther of Persia. The outsiders didn't see her loneliness and her longing to be free. But Esther knew that she was never alone - not in the harem and not in the queen's chamber. God was beside her, taking every step with her, carrying her when she could walk no longer.

All of us live behind closed doors, trying to pretend that life is great, trying make life look wonderful. Sometimes pretending to the point that we collapse behind those closed doors. If you are there, my friend, please remember that God knows. He sees behind your doors everyday - the good, the bad, and the ugly. And He loves you and desires a loving, fatherly relationship with you. He will carry you when you can no longer walk. You just have to open the door...

We'll talk more about Esther next time.