Marriage and Divorce: What Does the Bible Say?

           Guest Post by my friend and fellow Bible searcher, Jan Craig.              

 

                  Marriage and Divorce: What Does the Bible Say?

“I don’t love you anymore.”  “You’re a fanatical Christian, and I can’t stand living with you anymore.”  “I am in love with someone else, and I want out of this marriage.” 

Do any of those sound familiar? Perhaps you have made one of these statements or you are wondering if it is alright with God to divorce your spouse for some reason.  You may be in a relationship where your spouse is physically and/or emotionally abusive, and you wonder if divorce is an option.  These and many other statements and situations are common questions Christians have today.  God has given us commandments and wise council concerning marriage and divorce. Two issues are especially important to look at.  This post will address one of those, the sanctity of marriage. The second will be addressed in a later post.

Marriage and divorce are some of the most difficult topics to confront in the times we are living in, especially for believers. I have a passion to help Christian couples stay together.  You see, both my husband and I came from divorced homes.  My parents were active in living for Christ. However, they divorced in the 1950’s when Christian divorces were barely even heard of happening. Because my husband and I were Christians when we married and carried the scars of divorce, we promised each other before we married that divorce was not an option for us.  We believed that since we vowed before our Holy God, our family and friends, to honor marriage as He intended it to be, then no matter what, we would stick together through sickness and health, and for richer or poorer until death departs us.  

The Bible is the greatest book ever written, and it is our guide.  Nothing has been changed from its beginning and never will change because God Himself never changes.  His message is for all time and He is Holy.  So, I figure it is the best place to study about marriage and divorce.  1 Corinthians 7 is a great place to begin. I encourage you to take the time to read through that chapter and meditate on what it says.

Paul wishes in verse 1 that all men were like him and not married so they can do the Lord’s work fulltime.  Later on he says the same about women.                              

However, Paul states in the next verse that he realizes that sexual immorality is occurring and each man should have his own wife.  This also applies to the woman.  Let’s stop here and define what God says a woman is and what a man is since today’s culture gives varying definitions. In Genesis 2:18, and 23-24 God makes it clear that they are different. God saw that the man was lonely, so he made a woman for him.  Why a woman and not another man?  Two men were more likely to challenge each other to different activities, like who was the strongest?  That is something all men like to do. But that does not meet the deepest need a man has.  All the animals had mates so they could reproduce their kind.  Adam didn’t have the joy of companionship or being able to help in reproducing other human beings.  The woman met his need for companionship and also for reproducing a human being after his kind.  Like the other species, the female conceives and produces a baby that grows in her womb. That has been God’s plan from the beginning. 

The physical differences of the man and the woman play a very important part in demonstrating the deepest form of love physically that no other relationship can provide. Paul addresses that in verses 3-6.  Here he talks about the intimate relationship between the husband and wife. That couple is now one in God’s eyes.  That means they are to be sensitive to one another’s needs for intimacy. It also means they are to have a sexual relationship only between each other for life.   Dr. Warren Wiersbe, a noted theologian, put it this way, “be in tune with each other at all times.”  In other words, neither should tell the other when sex is going to take place. God made sex to enjoy within the marriage relationship!  It isn’t a sin in the marriage relationship, but outside of marriage it is.  Paul cautions married couples to only abstain from sex when both the husband and wife decide to do so during a short times of prayer and fasting. The reason for that is so neither of them will be tempted by Satan to find gratification somewhere else.

In verses 8 and 9, Paul goes on to say that the unmarried and the widows should stay unmarried as he is.  But he again realizes that all men and women aren’t like him. Those who are burning with passion should go ahead and marry because marriage is better than gratifying that need in other ways that are not pleasing to God.

Paul changes his focus from marriage to divorce in verses 10 and 11. These words are a command from our Sovereign Lord.  He says, “a wife must not divorce her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.” See, in God’s eyes you are still married to each other. Once a couple has consummated their marriage, He means for that marriage to last as long as one of them is still living.           

Verse 12-16 discusses a Christian wife who has an unbelieving husband. If he is willing to stay with her, then she is not to divorce him. This is referring to a wife who became a Christian after they got married. Other scripture instructs that in marriage, the two should not be unequally yoked – meaning a believer should marry another believer. However, if one becomes a Christian after marriage, the spouse just might become a believer because of how the other lives. The part that is hard to understand is in verse 14 where it says the spouse and children will become sanctified as long as they stay together. We know that each person must make their own decision to follow Christ and live for Him.  So, how does the spouse and children become sanctified by being with the believer?  I agree with Dr. Weirsbe’s understanding “that the believer exerts a spiritual influence in the home that can lead to the salvation of the spouse and children.” Obviously, that would be by the work of the Holy Spirit!  But if the unbelieving spouse wants a divorce because he or she doesn’t want to stay with a Christian wife or husband, then so be it. But this is not an excuse for remarriage. Remember, in God’s eyes the first intimate relationship is the only one acceptable to Him except in a few specific cases.

Divorce is a very difficult topic to approach, and I hurt deeply for those who are divorced, no matter what the circumstances. In another post we will look at adultery, and the effects of divorce on the children.  But for now I want to encourage those who have divorced and remarried.  I’m sure you didn’t expect to be divorced. We don’t enter into marriage expecting it to end in divorce. But please know this: God loves you and is there for you. If you feel your divorce was not allowed according to His Word, then know that as God’s child, He will forgive you when you come to him with a repentant heart.

For the unmarried and the one contemplating divorce, realize it will take a toll on you.  One lady told me this about divorce, “Divorce isn’t easy, and it is the worst devastation a person can go through.  A broken marriage is like robbing one of love. Love is what makes life worth living.  Love goes into the deepest part of our souls.  When love is robbed from you, there is a loneliness which is so agonizing that you feel you can’t bear it.”  Another said it is like death.  You go through the steps of grieving, but the spouse is still alive, which makes it hard to completely heal.  A counselor friend of mine said that every marriage goes through a time when you want to divorce.  I say this as a warning to the unmarried and the wife contemplating divorce.  Stick with the marriage if possible, because you can reconnect and have a happy marriage even if it takes 20 years. I know.

As a time of personal reflection, meditate on the following questions:

1.      Why do you think it was so important for my husband and me to promise each other and God that we would not divorce?

2.      Why is it important to know that God is perfect and holy and His commandments and His laws last forever?

3.      What is the difference between a man and a woman?  Why is this important to God?

4.      Why has God’s plan for morality not changed down through the ages?

If you have questions about anything you’ve read here or your personal situation, please consult your pastor or a counselor that is a believer in Christ and believes the Bible is all truth. We will finish looking at Paul’s teaching on marriage in a future post.

Remember that God is perfect and His plan for us is perfect.

  

               

 

               

 

        

                         

 

 

 

                                                                   

What?!... No God?!....

                                                                            

Guest Blog Post: This post was written by my friend and fellow Bible searcher, Jan Craig.

What?!!! There is No God?

Today the big question being tossed around is: “Do you believe in a Holy God with whom you can have a personal relationship?”  This is the true Christian’s challenge.  A true Christian is one who believes Christ has forgiven her sins and has committed to following Christ the rest of her life. A true believer believes in the existence of a Supreme God and puts her trust and faith in him. 

• Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that He was buried, that He was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures…. 1 Cor. 15 (NIV) 

• I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. Gal. 2: 20

• Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, Who is in you, Whom you have received from God?  1 Cor. 6; 19a

The New Atheist movement believes there is no God and wants to destroy this “myth” by convincing people there is no such thing as a God of the Bible; therefore, you cannot have a personal relationship with Him – because HE doesn’t exist.  They want to persuade people that the God of the Bible is dangerous and evil because He does not like those who don’t believe in Him.  The New Atheist puts a big emphasis on reaching the intelligent elite.  They use math, science, history, and religion to sway a person away from their faith in God.

This isn’t really new.  King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylonia did the same thing with many Jewish teenagers who were very intelligent and of the elite class in Israel.  He wanted to use these teenagers in the ruling of his country. (This was a common practice when one nation defeated another nation.) So King Nebuchadnezzar used the same tactics with the teenagers that The New Atheists use today.   

He wanted them to be well taught and to believe in his gods. However, some of these boys’ faith could not be destroyed because they were well grounded in their belief in God. Read the book of Daniel for an example of how this played out. King Nebuchadnezzar believed he could easily change these boys’ minds.  

It is the same today.  How well grounded are our children in their faith? The New Atheists like to target our young people, especially those not deeply rooted in their Christian faith.  The Atheists are everywhere in today’s culture. They are in the public schools, on TV, in movies, and in other places where they can easily spread their message.  

As we have observed, The New Atheists are doing everything they can to spread their false teachings.  This should be a serious wakeup call to the true believer in Christ.  Remember who is a true believer?  (look back to the first paragraph).  When we are challenged by a New Atheist, (and trust me, we will 

be) as believers we must be ready to defend our faith.  1 Peter 3:15 says, Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give a reason for the hope that you have. (NIV)  So, here are some ways we can prepare ourselves:

1. We must know our faith.  We do this by being in God’s Word daily, memorizing verses, praying, and meditating.  But some of you may be saying, “The Bible is boring, and it is hard to understand.”  But one way I have found that helps me is to write a brief summary of the passage I just read.  Then I look to see what God wants me to learn or what I had forgotten, and write it down in a journal.  You’ll be amazed at how alive the scriptures will become!

2. Pray for God to speak through you with the Holy Spirit’s help. (Remember He is in you.)  

3. Since God demonstrated His love for you, then we must demonstrate God’s love to those we are speaking to.  This is very intriguing to them, because you are showing unconditional love for them rather than hatred, which they think Christians have for them.

4. We are to let God do the work through us.  We are God’s servants in sharing the gospel message.  

5. Don’t pretend to know all the answers.  They can “read” us faking our answers just as we can tell if someone is faking something.  If you don’t know the answer then say so, but also tell them you will get back with them when you have the answer.  Then do your research immediately (preferably from the Bible).  Then plan to get back with them soon.  You’ll be amazed at their expression of shock that you actually spent the time to answer their question. They will be very impressed with you.  It’s kind of fun to see their reaction!

I don’t know all the answers in how to respond to the New Atheist belief system.  In fact, I still have a lot to learn.  But I know God will help me in giving a defense for the gospel of Christ.  AOne book that can help in getting started in understanding The New Atheist is Atheism Remax by R. Albert Mohler Jr.   I plan to read more books to help me understand their belief system. Hopefully, your curiosity has been stirred enough that you will want to read up on The New Atheist movement as well.  

The Atheists are stepping up their campaign to spread their ideology.  Let us as true Christians make it our goal to step up and share the gospel message with the people around us.   They need to know there IS a God – and He loves them more than any of us can comprehend!

               

                       

    

To Conform or Not, That is the Question

In the World or Of the World? 

All my life I have heard and also said, “We (as believers in and receivers of Jesus) are in the world but not of the world.” But as I searched for that particular phrase, I learned that it is not an actual verse in the Bible. Hmmm….Now, obviously, that concept is referenced numerous times in the teachings of Jesus and reiterated by the authors of many New Testament books. But just so we are clear, when we use that phrase, we are not quoting scripture but rather a Biblical principle and teaching. So let’s look at what that principle looks like lived out.

In my last post, we examined Daniel and his three friends after they were taken captive to Babylon and “enrolled” in King Nebuchadnezzar’s three year training academy prior to being put into his royal service. Part of that training was to be well fed from the best of King Nebby’s pantry in order to grow physically strong. Dan and his buds resolved that they would not be disobedient to God by eating forbidden foods. With God’s intervention, they made a deal with the King’s headmaster of this academy to eat only vegetables and water for ten days. At the end of those days, they would be measured, weighed and judged against those who did eat and drink of the King’s best to see if they were falling behind in their development. Their faith in God was so strong, that they were determined to remain faithful to Him.

And God rewarded their faithfulness to Him. Even as King Nebby did everything possible to strip them of all things Jewish and remake them into all things Babylonian, God was with them and proved them to be the most physically fit and the most adept academically. So much so, that eventually they were elevated into a high level of service to the king. Their story of faith and God’s use of them for His purposes in that pagan kingdom is chronicled in the rest of the book of Daniel.

The account of Daniel and his friends begs this question: how can God’s people resist the pressures that can “squeeze” them into conformity with the world? It’s an age-old question, but there is no more relevant question for today’s believers! How do we live “in” today’s culture and not become part “of” the culture?

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2 NAS

You see, Daniel and friends would not conform to the parts of Babylonian culture that went against the laws of God; they would not dishonor God even with the threat of death vs. possible favor with the most powerful person in the world at that time! What an example for us to learn from.

According to Romans 12, “conformers” are people whose lives are controlled by pressures from without. To conform means to act in accordance with the prevailing standards, attitudes, practices, etc., of a society or group; to be integrated. While “transformers” are those who lives are controlled by a power from within. Transform means to undergo a change in form, appearance, or character; to be altered. In other words, a conformer looks like, talks like, and acts like the culture around her. A transformer stands out because she is different in many ways from her culture.

These four men were transformed by their faith and relationship with God. And in turn and over time, God used them as agents of change. In fact, He used them to transform the minds of powerful rulers and to bring great glory to His name in a pagan land. But how? How were they able to not conform, especially given the pressure they were put under, and, instead, become powerful agents of change in that ungodly culture?

Their first step in becoming transformers in the world they found themselves in was giving themselves wholly to the Lord. Daniel and his friends’ hearts, the totality of their beings, belonged to the Lord (Ch. 1:8). Remember, when faced with the unholy diet, they resolved or were determined not to partake. Let’s be real. That determination to live for the Lord was in them before they were taken captive to Babylon! That’s an important detail. If we are not already grounded in the Lord and who we are in Him before the trials come our way, it will be almost impossible to take a bold stand for what is right and holy in His sight. It is when faced with the trial that we discover how deep our faith really is. A heart that loves the Lord, trusts the Lord, and obeys the Lord has no difficulty making the right choices when hit with the tragedies and difficulties of life.  Proverbs 4:23 says, “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it springs the issues of life.” Faith is not believing in spite of evidence – that’s superstition – but obeying in spite of consequences.

The second step in them becoming transformers was to be gracious toward those in authority. These four young men noticed that headmaster Ashpanez was especially friendly and kind to them, and most importantly, they recognized that as the working of the Lord. Ch. 1:9 says, “Now God granted Daniel favor and compassion in the sight of the commander of the officials.” Instead of acting like belligerent prisoners, these four recognized the risk they were asking Ash to take by allowing them to change the prescribed diet. His head was on the line, literally! They asked, not demanded, a short trial period – one that was not long enough to endanger Ash more than necessary. Over and over in scripture, we see courageous men and women of God who had to defy authority in order to be obedient, and in every successful case, they took the wise and gentle approach. “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18

These four young Jewish students were grounded in their faith, but they didn’t threaten anyone, stage a protest, or  burn down buildings. They simply lived their faith, excelled at their studies, and acted like gentlemen. They lived in the culture but did not become part of that culture. They did not conform, but as time went on, became transformers in that ungodly culture.

Unfortunately, today believers are faced with the same basic dilemma as these believers hundreds of years ago. Our culture has eroded into one that is being taken over by those who would like nothing better than to strip us of everything that is holy and remake us into a God-less society. I believe we are on the precipice of great consequences. It is time for believers to be like Daniel and his friends – we must ground ourselves in our faith so that we will be able to be resolved to live it out when faced with the sinful trends of our culture.

I am encouraged when I remember that Jesus, right before being arrested and crucified, prayed for us, today’s believers.

I have given them your Word. And the world hates them because they do not belong to the world, just as I do not belong to the world. I’m not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one. They don’t belong to this world any more than I do. Make them holy by your truth; teach them your word, which is truth….I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message (that’s us!). I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one… John 17:14-21 NLT

It is easy to be a conformer – to not make waves, not take an opposing stand, just go along to get along. But that is not what we are called to be. We are called to be transformers in this world. We become transformers by the very power that lives within us – the power of the living God who resides in every receiver of Jesus Christ in the form of His Holy Spirit.

The choice is up to us. Do we want to be part “of” this world or do we want to live as a light, a beacon of hope “in” this world? The consequences of either choice are great and have eternal significance for us, our loved ones, and those we encounter in this journey called life.

I pray to be resolved like Daniel and his friends!

I am resolved to follow the Savior, faithful and true each day; Heed what He say-eth, do what He will-eth, He is the living way. (Stanza 3 of the old hymn, I Am Resolved)

 

I Am Resolved

I love contemporary Christian music. In fact, that’s about all I listen to. As I have mentioned several times, I am a child of the 60’s and 70’s, which is when that genre of music first got its start. However, I grew up with a dad who always sang bass in a Southern Gospel quartet and in a Baptist church that instilled the richness and history of the great hymns. So, I am eclectic when it comes to religious music – I enjoy them all.

 

I had not thought about one of my favorite hymns in a long time until I recently began studying the life of the Old Testament hero, Daniel. “I Am Resolved” popped into my head as soon as I read verse 8 of Daniel 1. The ESV says, “But Daniel resolved that he would not defile himself with the king’s food, or with the wine that he drank….”

Immediate flashback:

I am resolved no longer to linger, charmed by the world’s delight; things that are higher, things that are nobler, these have alluded my sight. I will hasten to him, hasten so glad and free, Jesus, greatest, highest, I will come to Thee.

 

I loved the marching beat and the bass repeats in the chorus – my dad’s part! And I loved the words, the message. But like I said, I hadn’t thought of that hymn in years! Until…..I read that Daniel resolved…..

For background and context, let’s look at Daniel’s backstory. From the first seven verses of Chapter 1, we learn several important facts about him. He was a devout Jew from the nobility or royal class in the southern kingdom of Judah. As the Babylonian King Nebuchadnezzar won victory over Judah and caused the eventual fall of Jerusalem, Daniel and three close friends were taken captive, along with others, and taken to Babylon. Theologians agree that these young men were 15 to 16 years old when taken. Scripture tells us he was very handsome, highly intelligent, physically fit, and very devout in his faith. Daniel and his friends were just the kind of young adults King Nebby wanted. Once he broke their faith and allegiance to their God, he would put them to work in his very sophisticated society steeped in history, science, mathematics, architecture, and engineering. Babylon was the most dominant, advanced, and powerful kingdom in the world at that time in history. The king always took the best and brightest from the kingdoms he conquered to continue to build his empire – and to keep them from rising up against him.

The King’s formula for all these talented young men captured and brought under his thumb was the same. They were stripped of their Jewish names and renamed with Babylonian names, most of which were in reference to one of the Babylonian gods, they were isolated from other captives not in this same course of training, and they underwent an intense education for three years. Their academic program included learning a new language, mathematics, astronomy, history, science, and magic. In effect, the king’s goal was to strip them of all things Jewish and remake them (or brainwash) in all things Babylonian. The king put Ashpenaz, the chief of his officials, in charge of this academy, and one slip up on his part, and it would be off with his head! Everything about their lives was controlled by Ash, even down to their diet.

Food! Of all things going on, it seems (to us, at least) that food would be the least of their worries. However, that was where Daniel and his three friends drew the line! You see, in their Jewish faith, food played an important part in obedience to the Lord God. He had put forth certain laws pertaining to the kinds of food they could consume and how those foods were to be prepared. Eating forbidden foods or defiled food made one unclean, and thus, unclean to God. For Old Testament believers in Almighty God, that was the ultimate worst thing – to be unacceptable to Him.

So Daniel resolved…But Daniel made up his mind that he would not defile himself with the king’s choice food or with the wine which he drank; so he sought permission from the commander of the officials that he might not defile himself. Daniel 1:8 NAS

Have you ever come to that point in life where enough is enough! Where you think, “I cannot do this, cannot go there, cannot cross that line!”? Maybe you’ve been pushed, maybe swayed, or maybe just plain out tempted, and you given in bit by bit until you decide it’s now or never; time to draw the line. Take a stand for what you know is right; what you know is honoring to the Lord Jesus.

Time to be RESOLVED. No longer to linger, charmed by the world’s delights….

 

Reflections of Motherhood - Part 3

This is the third of three posts about God’s plan for Motherhood. To catch up, please read Part 1 and Part 2.

“Mother means selfless devotion, limitless sacrifice, and love that passes understanding.”

Previously, I wrote that Motherhood is a gift from God in which we GET to participate with Him in the creation of life. The over-arching responsibility of Motherhood is for Moms to be imitators of Christ in all aspects of parenting. This has the most eternal effect on our children.  It is easy to pray for and love our children when they are young, but parenting takes on difficult challenges when those children reach the age when they begin thinking for themselves, being influenced by the culture we live in, and making decisions to live contrary to what we’ve taught and believe is honoring to God. However, the words of 1 Corinthians 13 rings so very true in those tough times:

Love is patient and kind; it does not demand its own way; it keeps no record of being wronged; it never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (vv 4-7 NLT)

Yes, indeed, Motherhood is God’s gift to us! But in this last reflection, I want to propose the idea that Motherhood is OUR gift to our children. Let’s think about that for a few minutes.

Motherhood’s gift to our children

What do you do with a treasured gift? If you are like me, you do something special with it or put it in a special place of honor. Your children are the most special gift you will ever receive, so how do we reciprocate that kind of gift? By honoring them. The most honoring thing you can do for your children is to pray for them fervently just as Jesus prayed for His disciples and for future believers (that’s us!) in John 17:6-24. He prayed that they and us would grow and mature spiritually and be protected from the evil one.

If we are going to be imitators of Christ, we must also pray that our children/grandchildren find salvation, grow spiritually mature, and be protected from the devil who prowls about like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. (1 Peter 5:8)

We never stop parenting, and we should never stop praying fervently for our children. Eph. 6 tells us that the most powerful offensive weapon we have is the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Put those two things together, and you have the same power that breathed life into existence. Praying the Word of God.

So whatever phase of life your children are in, from living a life pleasing to the Father, or living a life trying to ride the spiritual fence, or living in outright rebellion to God’s plan, praying scripture over them is unleashing the very power of Creation! 

For spiritual grow and maturity, pray Philippians 1:9-11:

And this I pray, that (child’s name) love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day Christ returns.

For protection from the evil one and for restoration, pray the Armor of God on your child/grandchild.

Father, let _____________ be strong in You, and in the strength of Your might. Put on her/him the full armor of God that she/he may be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. Lord, hold her/him tight with the belt of Truth. You are the Truth; help _______ to hold fast to you and not be afraid. Dress her/him with the breastplate of righteousness – search her/his heart, protect her/his heart, and fill it heart with right motives and emotions. Place on her/him the shoes of the gospel of peace. Where ever she/he goes, let her/him go in the spirit of peace and be ready to share Your salvation with those she/he meets. Place in her/his hands the shield of faith that it might deflect the flaming missiles of the evil one. Through faith, let her/him carry out Your purpose and claim the victory that You have already won. And Father, put on _________the helmet of salvation. Remind her/him who she/he belongs to and not let her/him listen to the whispers of Satan. Protect her/his mind from falsehoods and self-defeating thoughts. Transform her/his mind into the mind of Christ as she/he goes about daily life. Finally, Father, let her/him carry the Sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Bring to mind the verses needed for comfort, courage, and battle against Satan. Let her/him remember Your word and claim it as she/he faces the temptations of Satan. Your word says that You have given Your angels charge concerning her/him, to guard and protect in all ways. Thank You for building a hedge of protection around her/him. Finally, I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that You are able to guard what I have entrusted to You until that day when you return. I entrust _______________ to You.

Eph. 6:10-20; Ps. 91:11; 2 Tim. 1:12

Yes, Motherhood is a gift – one that can and will fill our hearts to the bursting point one minute, and will hurt our hearts to the breaking point the next.

Our children are God’s best gift to us. As moms we have a special purpose in God’s plan for this world. And as moms, we have a tremendous responsibility to train our children when they are young and continue to pray for them until we die. Let it be said that the best gift you ever gave your children was a mom who prayed, prays and will be praying fervently for them until your last breath.

“Mother means selfless devotion (to prayer), limitless sacrifice (praying at all times), and love that passes understanding (prayer will bring understanding to both).”

 

Reflections of Motherhood - Part 2

The Gift of the Prodigal Child

This is the second of three posts about God’s plan for Motherhood. See Reflections on Motherhood Part 1 http://heartjourneydebbie.blogspot.com/

·         “Mother means selfless devotion, limitless sacrifice, and love that passes understanding.”

Previously, I stated that Motherhood is a gift from the Father in which we GET to participate with Him in the creation of life. It comes with tremendous responsibilities, of which, being an imitator of Christ in all aspects of parenting has the most eternal effect on our children. It is very easy to discuss the virtues and blessings of Motherhood. However, an often neglected issue, especially in the church, is what to think and do when a child decides to live life in a way that is not honoring to the Lord. That is what I call the elephant in the room.

That elephant is the Prodigal Child. And some of you reading this are mothers of prodigals. I speak to you from a heart full of empathy. And I want you to know that Romans 8:28 still applies:

·         And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.

I am asking you to stretch your mind and your heart to the idea that a prodigal child is also a gift from the Father.

No one wants this kind of gift. In fact, it is the kind that feels like a slap in the face, that causes us to ask “Why?” “Why us, our family? I know I haven’t been a perfect mom, but I’ve tried, I’ve taken my children to church; I’ve modeled Christ-like behavior and attitudes; I taught my children to pray and take their needs to Jesus; I even led my children to know the Lord!”

Then our pride takes over, “I am embarrassed, ashamed and feel guilty about the choices my son or daughter has made!” “I sure don’t need to be a leader at church or teach SS; no telling what people are saying about us behind our backs.”

Then the enemy whispers, “I guess your relationship with the Lord isn’t what you thought it was or this wouldn’t have happened.” And you feel that God has let you down!

I think I have said enough to paint the picture of what can happen and many times does happen when a believer’s child decides to rebel against the family values you’ve instilled and against the Lord. That’s when feelings of anger, bitterness, and rejection are primed to take root in our hearts if we are not on guard.

As I stated, you may be one of those moms, or you know moms to whom this has happened. And you may know moms who are no longer involved in church or Bible study because they have a prodigal.

First, let me say this with utmost conviction: Shame on the church who shuns the family of a prodigal and or the prodigal. And shame on any believer who is a Pharisee in sheep’s clothing and doesn’t love on and pray for that family and their child. How will that person who is enslaved in Satan’s chains ever get free if those that are supposed to love him, pray for him, treat him like Jesus would treat him, turns their back and treats him like a leper?

That’s not being imitators of Christ. So how would Christ treat the elephant in the room? We have only to look to the passage in John 4 where Jesus met the women at the well.

You know the story:

·         It was the middle of a hot day at Jacob’s well, which was in Samaria. Jews didn’t like to go through Samaria, but Jesus did. The disciples had gone into town to get food and left Jesus alone at the well.

·         A woman came to the well at this odd time – probably to avoid the gossip and looks of the other women who came at the normal times. She was an outcast – especially by the religious!

·         Jesus asks her for a drink. She asks why He is asking her….she’s a Samaritan and a woman.

·         Jesus tells her that if she knew who He was she would be asking Him for living water which will spring up to eternal life.

·         She asks for that water and Jesus tells her to call for her husband. She had to admit she had no husband. But Jesus already knew that. Then He tells her about herself. She had been married five times and was living with another man at the time.

·         She is amazed by Him and believes in Him. She is so excited that she drops her water pot and runs into town to tell others. She brings dozens back with her to meet Jesus.

·         She was a prodigal, living a sinful lifestyle, but Jesus sought her out! He offered her salvation and love and acceptance. And it changed her life!

·         He accepted her – not her sin.

That’s how moms of prodigals and the church, individually and corporately, should treat our wayward ones. Loving on and embracing the person, but not the sin. Unfortunately, we do not always do a good job at this.

Now, Mom, what do you do when you are struggling with those feelings of defeat, guilt, anger, bitterness, shame? How do you respond to your child that has strayed?

The Bible gives us instruction in the parable of the Prodigal Son. Luke 15:11-32

Do what the father did. Again, you know this familiar story.

·         The younger son was rebellious and asked for his inheritance, which the father gave him. REBELLION

·         He left home to live life his way.

·         He squandered his money – probably on high living and prostitutes.

·         Completely broke and homeless, he hired himself out to a farmer who put him to work feeding the pigs (that’s irony for a Jew!)

·         He realized that his father’s servants were better fed and taken care of than he, so he decided to return home and ask forgiveness and ask to be one of the hired hands. (REPENTENCE)

·         The father sees him coming and runs to embrace him. (RESTORATION)

o   The father had been watching and waiting for the son to return.

o   As a devout Jew, he had been faithfully praying for this son to be restored.

o   He felt compassion for the son and began running to meet him.

o   He didn’t even let the son finish asking for forgiveness.

o   He celebrated the son and his return.

o   He didn’t ask questions or give a lecture that he had come to his senses!

o   He accepted his son and didn’t hold anything against him.

Obviously, this is a picture of man’s separation from God and God’s forgiveness and mercy when he turns his life over to the Father. We are to be imitators.

If your prodigal has returned, bless you! God has answered prayers and worked His power. Celebrate his return and hold no grudges, no “if only’s”, show the grace and mercy demonstrated by this father.

If your prodigal has not returned, bless you! God IS working to restore him, to bring him to his senses. Do as this father did – watch and wait patiently, never neglecting to pray with thanksgiving for that celebration day that is to come. Do NOT let anger, pride, shame, guilt or bitterness take root in your heart. Those attitudes will rob you of your joy, and your eyesight will be clouded – you may miss the opportunity to celebrate your child.

So, why is having a prodigal a gift? It is a gift that, if you’ll let it, will help make you more like Jesus.

James 1:2-4 – When troubles of any kind come your way, consider it a sheer gift, an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

God will use everything in your life, from the joys to the storms, to help mold you into the woman of God He purposed you to be. That includes wayward children and the choices they make. Whenever I focus on poor choices my children make, I see nor feel any joy. But when I focus on what God wants to do in my life through those choices, I can get excited! And when I pray with thanksgiving for my children, I can focus on the grand celebration that is going to take place when they allow God to have first place in their lives once again.

We looked at Motherhood as God’s gift to us. But Motherhood is also our greatest gift we can give our children. More on that next time.