Sibling Rivalry...

If you have a brother(s) or sister(s), you have probably experienced sibling rivalry to some degree. I have an older sister and an older brother, but we are all spread out with four to six years between us. So we were not so close in age as to be competitive with each other. Psychologists tells us that birth order makes a huge difference in how one learns to relate and cope with others throughout their lives. I am the "baby" of the family and also experienced a bout with a devastating disease when I was two years old. So I know that I was treated differently than my brother and sister. Did these things impact my relationship with my siblings? Yes, no doubt they did. It is often said that the baby of the family is spoiled and not held to such an exacting standard as the older children, especially the eldest. I have to say from my personal experience as the baby and as the mom of two children, that is pretty much how it goes. Then in my case, add a debilitating disease, and for the older kids, you get disaster! No doubt, there were times in our younger days, when my sister and brother got fed up with the extra time and attention my parents gave me. They were often shuffled off to stay with relatives while my folks stayed with me six hours away from our home. I am sure there were activities they had to forgo because of my situation, and times when they were sick of hearing something like, "Don't be rough with Debbie." I know myself well enough to know that had the roles been reversed, I would have tired quickly of the world seeming to revolve around one them. We are all human.

When we pick up the story of Jacob's family in Genesis 37, we run into sibling rivalry at its worst. Jacob had twelve sons by four different women, but only the youngest son, Joseph, was the son of Rachel, the love of Jacob's life. It's obvious that Jacob favored Joseph from the time he was born. That favoritism did not set well with the brothers, and because they were human, jealousy, hatred, and bitterness took seed in their hearts and bloomed into full-blown treachery.

At this point, I encourage you to read Genesis 37, if you haven't, and get a feel for the family dynamics in Jacob's brood. It was dicey and no one, including Jacob and Joseph, was without fault. No, the brothers did not react in a godly way to Jacob giving Joseph a "coat of many colors" that was similar to what men of high standing would wear. It wasn't the normal dull-colored, short sleeve tunic that most teenage boys his age wore. Now think about this for a minute. If the father had always favored the little brother and then crowned him with this expensive, royal-like garment, they would naturally be angry. I'm not saying their attitude was right, but it was natural. Sometimes we seem to focus on their actions without considering why they felt the way they did. When we put ourselves in others' shoes, we sometimes see ourselves.

Joseph didn't always help his plight with the brothers, either. I mean, did he have to share his dreams with them? Dreams that put them subservient to him. According to Warren Wiersbe (see my Bible study references on the left), it was most likely God's will that the brothers and then Jacob hear about his dreams. However, the problem might have been in how Joseph presented it to them. You know, presentation is the thing! How we say something can instill peace or insight riot! Joseph was a bit brash and perhaps flaunted his favoritism when he should have shown humility.

Anyhow, when Jacob sent Joseph out to check on the brothers, the last straw had been drawn. Galations 5:19-21 tells us that the deeds of the flesh are, among other things, enimities, strife, jealousy, anger, disputes, and envying. Take your pick - they were all present as the brothers connived a way to get rid of Joseph without his blood literally being on their hands. After stripping him of his coat and throwing him into a deep pit from which he could not climb out, they ended up selling him as a slave to some Ishmaelites who were passing by on their way to Egypt. (Ishmaelites - get the connection?) When they returned home, they took the coat, which they had dipped in blood, to their father who then assumed the boy had been devoured by some wild animal.

Now, how's that for sibling rivalry gone too far? What can we learn from this episode in history? Many things starting with these:

• Jealousy, hatred, and bitterness are an all consuming fire. Whether they thread through families or other relationships, they are costly - if not deadly. They are listed in Galations as deeds of the flesh because they are natural, human reactions. However, they can be countered and overcome by the fruit of the Holy Spirit, who lives in the heart of a true believer.That's what putting on the "new" nature is all about.
• Favoritism is a destructive force and has no place in any of our relationships. Whether it's family, work, or social situations, it will breed the deeds of the flesh. The outcome will not be good. Aren't you glad that Jesus knows no favorites? He loves me regardless of what I do or don't do, and He died for all and does not pick and choose to whom He offers salvation, He gives a royal cloak to ALL who receive Him.
• We need to "grow up in Christ." Joseph learned about God from his father Jacob, and followed His teachings. But when God gave him some spiritual insight, he handled it poorly. He reacted with arrogance instead of humility, and it fueled the hatred of his brothers. The fruit of the Spirit, proof that one is growing in relationship with Him, is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galations 5:22-24). Joseph could have benefited from some of those.
• Ultimately, God is in control and He will see His will through. We will never know if all that transpired between the brothers and Joseph was God's will or if He just allowed it. But, if you have read on in Genesis, you know the end of the story. God's people were saved from certain death by famine because of the role Joseph came to play in the government of Egypt. Once again, we see the truth of the promise in Romans 8:28 - "All things work together for good to them who love the Lord and are called according to His purposes."

Sibling rivalry is part of the natural course of growing up with brothers and sisters. Enough said about that. But think about sibling rivalry within the body of Christ. We are brothers and sisters through His blood. When we let the deeds of the flesh control our motives, actions, and words, we are instruments that can infuse that same all-consuming fire witnessed in Jacob's family into our spiritual family.

Woe be to those who mess with God's family!